


memories, my rise and fall (and you were with me through it all)

by twiceinamillion



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, Useless Lesbians, hyewon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twiceinamillion/pseuds/twiceinamillion
Summary: a good memory is both a blessing and a curse.hyejoo knows that far too well.but your memories can tell you many things that you wouldn't learn otherwise.
Relationships: Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	memories, my rise and fall (and you were with me through it all)

having a good memory was a bit of a hassle.

yes, it was useful at some points, like during school tests or when she wanted to remember some important stuff, but it wasn’t _reliable._

in other words, hyejoo forgot all the things she needed to remember.

and she remembered all the things she wanted to forget.

namely: the one time she’d been so angry at someone that she started shouting at them.

it was in the middle of a class.

so that was fun.

and another time, where she’d embarrassed herself in front of a large group of people.

she never forgot that. she didn’t know why.

of course, there were some good parts of having a good memory.

a good memory brought with it… well, good memories.

like the time when she was 7, and she met her best friend for the first time.

* * *

* * *

a young hyejoo sat, pouting, on the swings at the playground, sulkily rocking herself back and forth.

fall-outs with parents weren’t fun.

_i can’t believe they won’t let me get a dog for my birthday,_ she thought angrily to herself. _dogs are so cool! they bark and they wag their tail and they sit and play fetch!_

gripping on tightly to the seat of the swing, she kicked herself forward, and the swing- well, swung.

_i want a dog!_ hyejoo pouted. _i already said i wanted a dog instead of a wolf and they still didn’t want to get one!_

essentially, hyejoo was the embodiment of the >:( emoticon. except, well, she was a very cute version of the >:( emoticon.

as she rocked quietly on the swing, the playground equipment creaking slightly with age, she watched as a girl who looked slightly older than her skipped over, her steps light.

“hi!” the older girl said, her voice cheery, like butterflies on a bright summer day. “do you mind if i- oh.”

she paused, staring ( _why was she staring??_ ) at the black-haired girl.

“what?”

young hyejoo simply looked up at the kid in front of her. she was hoping her voice sounded angry. she didn’t want to be disturbed.

“uhm-“ the older, blonde ( _blonde??_ ) girl hesitated, stumbling slightly over her words.

then she took in a breath.

“are you okay?”

young hyejoo furrowed her eyebrows.

“okay? what makes it look like i’m not okay?”

“the…” the older girl looked away awkwardly. hyejoo noticed her swing had come to a stop.

“your… your face. it looks angry.”

“it’s supposed to be,” she pouted. “because i _am_ angry.”

“oh.” said the girl. “why are you angry, then?”

“my parents won’t get me a dog.”

“a dog?” the girl’s eyes sparkled in the sun. “oh, dogs are cute! i have a puppy!”

“not helping.” hyejoo looked away, slightly resentful, her words muffled through gritted teeth.

“oh. sorry.”

there was an awkward pause.

“a-anyways, my name’s chaewon.”

“sorry about the dog thing.” the older girl murmured. “can we be friends?”

the blonde girl stuck out her hand. young hyejoo eyed it suspiciously, then glanced up at the girl’s face.

she looked sincere.

she paused.

then she sighed dramatically, and took the older girl’s- _chaewon_ ‘s- hand.

“fine.”

“yay!” the blonde girl beamed, shaking her hand vigorously. “friends!!”

“wait!” young hyejoo stopped chaewon, looking dead into her eyes.

“but only on one condition.”

chaewon cocked her head confusedly, staring at her.

“what?”

“you have to let me see your puppy.”

and just like that, hyejoo obsessed over bbomi (chaewon’s dog) for a total of two hours straight before she had to go back home.

* * *

there was also that time they wanted to become singers together, at the young age of ten.

“we’ll be a team!” chaewon promised hyejoo, eyes twinkling with an eagerness hyejoo knew very well by that point. “we’ll travel around the world and perform! we’ll win _all_ the awards!!”

“chae,” hyejoo laughed. “that’s a little idealistic.”

“i’m sure we can do it!”

the older girl was unbelievably determined.

“your singing is so good,” she nodded, “i’m sure if we try out we’ll get in!”

“yours is better,” hyejoo shrugged, dismissing the compliment (as she always did).

“oh-“ chaewon paused at that, blushing slightly. “n-no! yours is better! but either way that’s good because we’re a team and- and we’re supposed to, uh, complement each other!”

the black-haired girl grinned.

“if you say so.”

“and,” the blonde seemed as if she was running out of words, “and- and take a compliment for once!”

awkwardly, she gave hyejoo a joking slap on the shoulder, though it was so soft that it felt more like a light tap.

the younger girl laughed. “sure.”

“so,” she asked, “what’s our team name going to be?”

chaewon contemplated it for a while, pouting slightly as she cast her eyes up to the sky in thought.

“…hyewon.”

* * *

she remembered when she was practising her singing with the older girl (she couldn’t believe chaewon was older than her sometimes), and trying to improve on her high notes.

“ahh,” she groaned, placing down her phone on the floor roughly. “this song is so hard!”

“it’s high pitched,” chaewon reassured, hands held out as if to placate her. “so naturally it’s going to be tough.”

“and- and how do you sing the bridge?! there are so many key changes!”

“it’s sung by an opera singer, so it’s hard to cover.”

the blonde girl paused, thinking. “do you want to do another song?”

hyejoo sighed.

“maybe.”

“then…” the older girl considered for a moment. “maybe we could sing a duet, so we already have pre-set parts?”

“hmm… sounds good,” the black-haired girl shrugged. “which one?”

chaewon picked up her phone, scrolling through her music player app.

“this one.”

she pressed play and showed it to hyejoo, who squinted as she tried to read the tiny text.

“i’ll… be there?”

“it’s good,” chaewon assured her, “i swear.”

“if you say so.”

the music started, a jazzy, peppy tune.

then the light drumbeat kicked in, and as the song continued towards the chorus the older girl began to sing along, each syllable pronounced perfectly, each note hit just right.

and hyejoo couldn’t help but find that she enjoyed chaewon’s makeshift cover much more than the original.

when the song finished, the older girl beamed. “it’s cute, right?”

“yeah,” hyejoo grinned, giving her an awkward thumbs up. “so, we’re singing this?”

“yep!” chaewon quickly searched up the lyrics to the song, handing her phone to the other girl once she was done. “here, this’ll help you!”

so they sang and practised till the sun went down, and the next day they went home with about a million cough drops.

(it wasn’t really a million, chaewon just liked to exaggerate.)

* * *

and then there was the time they went for that audition-

she didn’t want to talk about that.

* * *

the period after the audition (they were about eleven) was… a mess, to say the least.

or rather, _they_ were a mess.

and there was no explanation given for why they didn’t get in, which made it all worse.

hyejoo was surprisingly sad about it, considering how chill she’d been during their practice sessions.

and chaewon was the one consoling her, even though she was the one who had been so invested in it.

it was ironic, in a way.

hyejoo felt bad.

but she got over it after a while. she never knew if chaewon did.

* * *

and after the audition came high school.

when the two of them realised they weren’t going to be in the same class, they’d acted like they were in a TV drama, all “will i ever see you again”s and “i’ll miss you”s and “farewell”s.

“you guys are literally going to walk home together after this,” deadpanned hyunjin, chaewon’s classmate.

“we know,” chaewon poked her in the shoulder, and the oldest girl stumbled back with a fake-hurt look on her face.

“hey!”

“just don’t interrupt our moment and you’ll be fine.” chaewon shrugged with that familiar smile on her face.

and when they finally bid goodbye and departed for their different classrooms (even if it was just for half a day), hyejoo couldn’t help but feel a pang of _something_ inside her, some unknown feeling she couldn’t recognise.

she ignored it. it was probably nothing – maybe she was just hungry.

* * *

and then there was that time when they were 15, when chaewon felt like she was in love with someone, and hyejoo felt… well, she didn’t actually know what she felt.

it was an upperclassman. she was cool and calm and composed, and she was elegant, as if she were a swan.

but she was also rebellious, albeit subtly, and she was essentially everything hyejoo was but better.

her name was, as the older girl got her to find out, was yves.

and chaewon went all heart-eyes for her.

“hyejoo, help, she’s coming!” the blonde girl whispered frantically, turning around not-so-subtly as yves walked into the canteen, shiny black shoes clicking and clacking like high heels on the tiled floor.

“this is creepy,” the other girl plainly stated as she watched her best friend go crazy over a person she hadn’t ever talked to.

“it’s not!” the blonde girl frowned. “i just… like her is all!”

and as the other girl quietly watched yves from afar, admiring how her sunflower-yellow school uniform fit her, hyejoo couldn’t shake the feeling that _she didn’t like this._

* * *

and then there was the time _hyejoo_ fell in love not long after.

it was another girl, yerim, who carried a purple bag and a lavender hairclip (were lavender hairclips evem allowed in school?) and who had parties at her house with yeojin and haseul after school.

the popular one – that was how chaewon defined yerim.

“chuu’s more popular,” hyejoo had responded, shaking her head.

but still, she liked yerim’s smile, so much like the sun, and the way she was so passionate about singing – it just got her heart to flutter.

she was so much like chaewon.

except that yerim wasn’t in love with someone else – as far as she knew.

* * *

and then there was the time, when she was about 16, that chaewon confessed.

not to her, obviously. to yves.

the older girl had written a love letter to the upperclassman, the pastel pink paper decorated with hearts and stars and one silver crescent moon.

and at the bottom was one big “i love you”, written in bubble-like letters and surrounded by drawn-on sparkles.

looking at it, hyejoo felt a pang of jealousy – yes, she’d finally identified that feeling. but jealousy over what?

she still didn’t know.

chaewon got rejected soon after.

it took her quite a while to get over that.

_that was enough remembering for now._

* * *

* * *

back in the present, hyejoo stood with her confession ready in her mind.

she was ready to approach yerim, ready to tell her she liked her, ready to either get rejected and cry or to get her happily ever after as if she were in a fairy tale.

_and there she was._

yerim walked past, and hyejoo’s posture straightened as she took in a deep breath.

then she exhaled and walked towards the other girl, the words she’d rehearsed so any times circling around and around in her mind, prepped and ready to be said.

* * *

fairy tales were a lie.

hyejoo sat in silence, scrolling through social media, yerim’s careful rejection still ringing fresh in her mind.

“i’m sorry,” she’d said. “but i don’t like you that way.”

she sighed, setting her phone down on her desk and putting her head in her hands.

she didn’t feel that sad. she didn’t know why.

beside her, chaewon sat down and put a hand on her arm.

“i’m sorry,” she said too.

(hyejoo decided the words sounded better coming from her.)

* * *

chaewon sat with her palm resting gently, comfortingly on hyejoo’s arm, because she couldn’t do anything else to help.

“i’m sorry,” she whispered, and meant every bit of it.

* * *

oh.

_oh._

she didn’t know how she hadn’t realised before.

hyejoo didn’t know how she hadn’t realised before.

had she not learnt anything from her so-called “great” memory?

she didn’t know what made the realisation- no, _realisations_ suddenly hit her.

she didn’t know how she suddenly realised why she’d turned to yerim after chaewon turned to yves.

she didn’t know how she suddenly realised that she’d liked yerim for the exact same qualities she’d loved in chaewon.

their smiles, so much like the sun, all bright and cheerful, and it made her feel a golden _warm_ inside.

(but chaewon’s was so much better. and it was so much more real, to her.)

and there was something missing from yerim. something that was the reason why she didn’t feel sad when she was rejected.

she didn’t know what it was until this moment.

she didn’t know how she’d realised.

but she’d realised nonetheless.

_chaewon had been with her since the start._

_she’d been with her for everything._

**_she’d been with her through it all._ **

slowly, she sat up.

“chaewon.”

after a pause, the older girl looked up at her curiously, taking her hand off from hyejoo’s arm.

“yeah?”

“…i like you.”

“you… what?”

chaewon stared blankly at hyejoo, palm frozen in midair.

“i like you,” the younger girl confirmed. “this isn’t a rebound. i like you.”

“i- i…”

the blonde’s habit of stammering came back in full force now.

“i- _huh_??”

hyejoo took a deep breath.

“so i… i realised i only liked yerim because she reminded me of you.”

“but you- you’ve been there with me for so long. you’ve been with me through _everything_.”

“i like you. no- i _love_ you, chaewon. i don’t know how i didn’t realise before.”

“i should’ve… realised before.”

she looked up in expectation.

in expectation of what? she didn’t know.

but the older girl simply stared at her.

_did… did i say something wrong?_

_was it a bad decision to say that? was my realisation wrong?_

_oh god, what if i-_

then all of a sudden, chaewon flung her arms around hyejoo, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“oh my god,” she breathed, “i thought you’d never say it.”

“you- you knew??” hyejoo murmured, incredulous.

“n-no, no!!” chaewon shook her head vigorously, panicked, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders in that familiar way hyejoo loved.

“i- i was just wishing you’d say that. but i thought you wouldn’t ever say it.”

“oh.”

“sorry.”

“you don’t need to be.”

awkwardly, hyejoo put her arms around chaewon as well, wrapping the older girl in her soft embrace.

and they sat like that, together, all of their memories culminating into a single moment, a single hug, a single act of mutual love.

it wasn't ethereal.

it wasn't magical.

but it was plain and simple and uncomplicated and maybe hyejoo liked it better that way,

throughout their highs and their lows, they’d been there for each other.

and now, here they were.

sitting in the middle of the empty classroom, the teachers and the other students long gone. but they were still there, lost in each other's sweet embrace.

“i love you," was the only thing hyejoo knew how to say.

and chaewon smiled, that familiar sunshine-like smile hyejoo now knew that she loved _so much,_ and her breath was whisked away as the older girl said:

“i love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> it's 3am. i wrote this from 12am to 3am. oops
> 
> apologies if the fic quality decreased !! midnight writing isn't exactly my thing oops
> 
> oh and if you want to, do check out [my tumblr](https://2wice-in-a-million.tumblr.com) !! i post more of my writing there :D thanks !!


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